Dear Dad, Did I Ever Say Thanks?

Dear Dad,

Did I ever say thanks
for the toys you mended,,
for the games we played,
for all the songs we sang together,
for teaching me to play guitar,
for teaching me that lyrics are poems?

Did I ever say thanks
for the way you always
made a joke to cheer me up
when I was feeling down?

Did I ever say thanks
for the sacrifices you made
so that I could have and experience
things in life that you didn't?

What about the sacrifies that you made
for our country, our liberties and our beliefs?
Did I ever say thank you for that?
Did I ever tell you that I am beyond proud
of being a soldier's daughter?

Did I ever say thanks
to you for working so hard
to provide for your family?

Did I ever say thanks
for 'getting' me,
for appreciating my humor
for knowing what I was thinking
when I gave you that mischievious 'look'?

More importantly...
Did I ever say thanks
for the faith you have in me,
for always being there
when I needed you?

Did I ever say thanks
for always being proud of me
when I excelled...
And for helping me up
when I fell down?

Did I ever say thanks
for never passing judgment on me,
for accepting me exactly how I am?

Most of all,
Did I ever say thanks
for caring,
for being you,
for always doing the best you could?

Thank you, Dad.

I am 14,609 days old!

Today I am 14,609 days old. Tomorrow I turn 40 year old. As I sit here, I contemplate the concept that today is my last day of my 30s before I leap into the next decade of life. On the one hand, this transition feels non-eventful and a part of me wants to rage against the expectation that I should be feeling or doing something EVENTFUL. I have to wonder if birthdays are constructed to encourage people to go over the top so that we don't sit in wonder about the last year has taught us. But on the other hand, I know that if I don’t acknowledge this in a way that feels meaningful to me, I’ll regret it. Either way, tomorrow I turn 40 and I need to process that in a way that makes sense to me.

Afterall, this is my last day in the decade of my 30′s.I used to think 40 was really old..  In some ways, I don’t feel much older than I did when I was in my twenties. I mean, mentally I do and I have a more comfortable feeling now. Certainly in the last year my body has reminded me I’m not twenty any more. But me, myself, my soul... doesn’t feel old. Being the overly analytical and introspective type, nonetheless, this landmark birthday does make me think. What does it mean to turn 40? What does it mean to move into this new decade? I didn’t want to let this one go by without at least considering what it all means. What is the expectation of me? What is my expectation of it?

In the last 39 years, I have learned that life is beautiful, it comes with a variety of experiences that over time define who we are. I am not perfect, and never will be. But I am okay with that. I know who I am and, more importantly, I really love myself. Perhaps that is the best gift one can give themselves and it is even BIGGER than a tangible celebration.

At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty the wit; at forty the judgment. ~ Benjamin Franklin

I'm Freaking Forty

This summer, I went to see Kid Rock headline at Summerfest (the world's largest music festival) :) with my good friend, Renni. Kid Rock had just turned 40 this year and wrote a song about it. I remember telling Renni that all I want for my birthday is for somebody to blast that song. Because my impending 40th (and don't try to tell me it's the new 30) is only 13 days away. I thought I'd share his song with you.

Kid Rock – Forty Lyrics
Well, I guess I’m freaking forty,
I can’t say that I am thrilled
I never dated Winona Ryder,
I probably never will.
Well I guess I’m freaking forty,
Oh, but I’m better off than some,
Well I might be freaking forty,
But you’re freaking forty-one.
Well I guess I’m freaking forty,
Now all the kids call me old man,
I need glasses and Alka Seltzer,
And a freaking prostate exam.
I guess I’m freaking forty,
But I’m better off than you!
Well I might be freaking forty,
But you’re freaking forty-two.
All right!
Well, I guess I’m freaking forty,
Well I’m a petered out Peter Pan,
And sometimes I feel foolish,
I make my living singing in this band.
I guess I’m freaking forty,
Well that’s what my momma said,
But Bruce Springsteen’s freaking sixty-two
And the Stones are almost dead.
Well, I guess I’m freaking forty,
I can’t say that I am thrilled.
Well still I’m a buck wild loving cowboy,
I don’t need them little blue pills.
I guess I’m freaking forty,
But it ain’t no thing to me,
Well I might be freaking forty,
Hell I’m lying, I’m forty-three!
Ye-Hah!

And, you can hear the song and check out the video here: http://www.musicstop.org/kid-rock-forty-lyrics-with-video

Heaven Or Hell On Earth

I didn't write this poem. Though, I must admit that I wish I would have. I think it is beautiful and brilliant. I have given credit to the true author below. Enjoy!

This poem provides a contrast between heaven and hell, as revealed by our relationships. Since we are all related and connected, our thoughts, words, and actions have a very real effect on others. The extent to which we value and affirm ourselves and others is the extent to which we create heaven on earth. And the extent to which we emphasize the mistakes of ourselves and others is the extent to which we create hell on earth.

Other People by © Alan Steinle

Hell is other people.
—Jean-Paul Sartre

Hell is other people who
No matter what you do
Always find something to judge
They drag you through the sludge
And see through your thin disguise
As they shred you with their eyes
All their faults and lack
They place upon your back
Unable to see their own transgression
It becomes their only obsession
To find all of your flaws
And all your broken laws
And they won’t even let you live
Because they refuse to forgive

Heaven is other people who
No matter what you do
Choose to see the best
In you and forget the rest
They don’t dwell on your sin
Since they want all to win
They don’t create divisions
By their prideful derisions
Of those with whom they differ
For they know that the transfer
Of their own guilt to another
Will come back and smother
Their efforts to be free
And their search for unity

Apparently you CAN put a price on a fallopian tube. It's $70(ish)...

For those of you who may not know, I had a fallopian removed this Spring. While the details of the surgery and the reasons why it occurred are relatively... irrelevant, I have yet another one of those stories that I couldn't make up if I wanted to.

Yesterday, after several days of essentially ignoring my incoming emails, I finally had scheduled some time to go through them. First, I tackled my spam folder. It was the usual hodge podge of AARP, Geico, Viagra and Horoscope propaganda. So after I chuckled through the deletion process (it's amazing what people will email you) I thought I would tackle my Inbox, where I often find relative emails. You know the ones I am talking about...? Emails from friends, the funny 'forward' from a co-worker, the Facebook notice that somebody tagged you in a post and the various professional networking emails that seem to come in by the dozens and are starting to look more and more like spam... :)

Anyway, in my Inbox (remember, that's where the serious emails end up, right?) I found an email with the following subject line:

IMPORTANT MESSAGE ABOUT YOUR FALLOPIAN TUBES

Is this from my Doctor? Oh, maybe it's the pharmaceutical company. Would I be getting a discount on hormones? Maybe it's a survey from the hospital. Yeah, that must be it. It must be important. I am, in fact, missing a fallopian tube and now afterall, I have an 'important' email about MY fallopian tubes.

Open...

A link? Sounds intriguing. Maybe it's fashionable to be sans a spare tube. I'll bite. I mean, seriously, the curiousity was TOO much to bear. 

Click...

I thought that I have pretty much seen it all in my day. I mean, I have really seen a lot. But I will admit that I had not seen this before. A website dedicated to jewelry. Not just any jewelry. Not a great costume piece that you could wear with your favorite outfit while having drinks with the gals. Not a festive Holiday piece that you could wear to your office Holiday party. Nope, it's a website that sells jewelry specifically designed to look like sperm and fallopian tubes.

I don’t know. I’m all for being knowledgeable about the reproductive process. I am all for women missing a crucial female part banding together but I just don’t know if I want to be wearing said information in my ears or around my neck.

It really is taking all of my energy to not make inappopriate jokes right now about sperm as it relates to necks and ears ;)~

These will run you around $70 by the way. Would you wear them?

P.S. I have officially seen it all.

Oh, and just so you can't accuse me of making this up, here's a picture.

Life Lessons

As I approach the dreaded 4-0, I started thinking about the lessons I have learned in life. In all, I came up with dozens but I have narrowed them down to my top 10.

1. Love has nothing to do with looks; but everything to do with timing trust, and interest.
2. Laughing, crying, joy and anger are all essential and make us human.
3. The greatest truths in life are uncovered with simple, steady awareness.
4. Greed will bury even the lucky eventually.
5. Bad things DO happen to good people.
6. Time heals all wounds, no matter how you feel in the moment.
7. Karma does exist.
8. Never let your own well-being be contingent on something or somebody else
9. Taking ownership of failure can build the foundation for your success.
10. If you never act, you will never know for sure.

Getting older makes you think about who you are, where you've been and the people that you love. Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, a neighbor, coworker, long-lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger) but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be a straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience help to create who you become. Who you are meant to be. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, or breaks your heart; forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart to things.

Make every day count!!! Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before,and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are great and believe it. If you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make anything you wish of your life. Then go out and live it without regrets!

If you LOVE someone tell him or her, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store...

Television Mirrors Life

For those of you who don't know, I love TV. Sports, crime documentaries, reality TV... you name it! I try to balance my love for TV with real life. You know... work, kids, family, reading (I'm still old school and like to hold an ACTUAL book in my hands). Anyway, this weekend was a mixed bag of TV emotions for this gal. First, my beloved Brewers, try as they might, just couldn't pull it together. Don't worry, Brew Crew, I ain't mad because it was an awesome season of ups and downs and like I said last week in my blog post; life is a roller coaster and I wouldn't have it any other way. I would have loved a world series showing but no matter how down I can get from time to time, I am still the eternal optimist and there's always next year. But the Brewers loss was even slightly overshadowed by the Green & Gold taking another win. Yep, that's right. This means that we are still undefeated and these are the moments in sports history that I live for. My home teams and bringing the excitement week after week and it is definitely a great time to be a Wisconsin sports fanatic. Or shall I say WINsconsin!?

There's a reason televised sports has been popular since its inception. Did you know that the first televised sporting event was a college baseball game between Columbia and Princeton in 1939, covered by one camera providing a point of view along the third base line? Compared to today, that doesn't sound all too intriguing but it was then. It was the next big thing. Sports has continued to influence our daily lives, playing a key role in our socialization and entertainment. Sports bring people together. It teaches us to respect one another and the strengths we bring to the table. It teaches humility and it teaches healthy competition. Something as simple as televising sports has changed the way we look at competing, winning and losing. How often do we take some of those mottos into our daily lives? You win some, you lose some. You can't win them all... hasn't it in some ways taught us how to treat one another? And I see that same respect level play out in so many relationships where each person really appreciates the other. Being humble when needed and being confident and strong with one another in a relationship when warranted.

Fast forward to Sunday night when I reluctantly watched one of my guilty pleasures (Real Housewives of New Jersey). It was the reunion show and I knew it was going to be intense. I mean, they played it up all week long between every commercial during every show on the network! And for those of you who are unfamiliar, it's basically a sit-down where the 'cast' sits and talks about the dramas of the season. What really affected me watching that reunion is that these people are primarily family. And those that aren't blood related have been friends through thick and thin for... forever. It seems like every season there emerges a 'common enemy' and then the reunion show turns into a full-on attack of that 'enemy'. Which begs the question WHERE HAS ALL THE LOYALTY GONE? Don't families stick up for each other, confront each other head on and explore faults instead of attacking them? And aren't friends; the REAL friends an extension of family. Don't the same rules apply?

In the case of seemingly mindless show about people from NJ who have WAY too much time and money on their hands, it wasn't about who was right or who was wrong. I'm not even going to pretend there wasn't legitimate grounds for the majority of people to be mad at one person. But it was about the approach, the tactic, or should I say the lack of tact. Part of the attack is where the common enemy's friends and family just started selling her out. You know 'she said this about you' or 'I know she told you this but she really meant that'. Then, when asked why they are tattling on her now, the common response was they felt compelled to finally come clean because they had now been impacted by this person. Okay, so let me get this straight... you kept somebody's confidence and secrets even though you apparently disagreed with them because you had a generally good relationship with them. But now that you don't, it's fair game? And what about the secrets the person you just sold out has? Assuming they are as petty as you, they might have a mental list of all of the crappy or shady things you have said and/or done in your life. Is it now fair game for them to betray you? It's like what came first, the chicken or the egg? And where does it end?

I think it's interesting that so many people say how they hate reality TV and it's not actual reality and how it's mind-numbingly boring or that they can see you losing IQ points as you watch it. I actually think all of those things are true to a certain extent, but the magic of it is that just like any scripted TV, a great Bible story or a tragic tale that ends with a sappy, happy ending. There's a moral to every story. Even if it comes in the form of big hair, short skirts and an East Coast accent.

Anyway, with all the 'drama' of the my reality TV reunion extravaganza, I decided to hit up the DVR for something a little less intense. And there it was, PSYCH, featuring James Roday who is my irrational celebrity crush and likely not at all like his witty, adorable, quick tongued alter ego, Shawn Spencer. But I still convince myself that he is EXACTLY that funny in real life, without writers, and that somehow he thinks I'm just as amazing, too. Even though we have and will never meet.

For those of you that have never seen the show, it's about a young, womanizing, insanely sharp guy who pretends to be a psychic and partners with his best friend who basically goes along with all of the the lead character's antics and behaves exactly like the text book best friend. It is kind of the light hearted alternative to my reality vice above but it's also strangely true to life. Those moments of sheer hilarity that we encounter every day but sometimes are too busy or too 'grown up' to acknowledge. The times where you are hanging around reading excerpts from damnyouautocorrect.com (which by the way if you haven't gotten this app, you must) or you're laughing so hard that you start to cry because a loved one fell UP the stairs. Which seems to happen to a lot of people I know. I guess it's true what they say about like-minded and like- coordinated. Those moments that only you and the other person think are funny and will giggle about it every time you hear a word, a name or a sound...? Those people in your life that you can say ANTYTHING to. Anything at all and they will get it. Even if they don't agree with it. They know you. They love you. And they always have your back.

TV is supposed to be an escape. And it is, mostly. But it's also a reality. It's a way to look at life when it's raw and ugly and when it's light and fun. Books used to do this for everybody; before radio, before telivision. But the concept, the idea... is the same. Next time you are watching television, think about that. What does it help you escape, what does it help you embrace and what does it teach you? About yourself? About the people in your life?
                                                                                                                               

Hello, October!

Fall is my favorite season. Especially when it starts with an epic Indian Summer, the Brewers in the post-season and my beloved Green Bay Packers starting out their season 5-0. I have to say though, that my September started out great from a work perspective but had a eery ending for me. It ended with an odd vacation that will likely leave permanent scarring on some level. I wish I could answer some very interesting questions that arose as a result of that trip and I wish that my return home didn't ignite yet another issue with my Mother. I got to see an amazing friend along the way and returned finally, to normalcy and the daily grind.

So, I say Hello, October! The leaves are changing colors finally and the smell of the crisp air is one of my favorite things in life. It's interesting that the stillness of Fall is sandwiched between the scorching heat of Summer and the bitter cold of Winter. It's almost a metaphor for life!

As I move forward with my business, I see so many opportunities to reach out to people in ways that can help them grow in their careers. This gives me hope that the work that I am doing is really as meaningful for others as it is for me. I plan to use this blog as an outlet for all of the ups and downs that I will inevitably encounter in my life and my work. Life is a rollercoaster and I wouldn't have it any other way. I hope that you'll enjoy my stories, my sarcasm, my periodic venting and my sense of humor along the way.

The World According to Carrie

STAY TUNED. It's going to be EPIC!